Tuesday, November 9, 2010

In which Bicycle Thieves destroyed my hope for the future.

I made a rule a little while ago (well actually 6 years ago) that I would avoid watching devastating or upsetting movies as it just affected me too damn much - hence why I have never seen Dancer in the Dark or Boys Don't Cry. True I made this rule when I was a lot more neurotic and prone to being a downer - but it seems that being less of a downer now and more of stress head hasn't helped my anxiety when it comes to bleak and brilliant movies.

See EXHIBIT A - Bicycle Thieves. The hard part is sometimes I don't know whats going to mow me down into an emotional wreckage. Will it be Au Hazard Balthazar or Breaking the Waves? Apparently not it will be (goddamn) Bicycle Thieves. I haven't been this devastated by a movie since I was 12 and saw Vertigo for the first and only time - all I can really remember is being all wide eyed and whispering to my mother "you can't trust anyone ever" - thanks Mr Hitchcock for DESTROYING MY CHILDHOOD!

OK so perhaps I should have known better than to watch Bicycle Thieves on a Tues night after Gossip Girl when I'm in the middle of a Saturn Return Crisis (AKA trying to catch up on 10 years of stuff I haven't achieved - must read Tolstoy, move overseas and have 3 careers ASAP etc) and work is sucky busy and stressful. However the biggest mistake I think I made in watching this film is at the 1 hour mark (which was at 11pm on this unexpectedly traumatic Tues night) is thinking that director Vittorio De Sica would offer me some respite from the unrelenting bleakness of this movie towards the end - WRONG!

Now I'm even more hesitant than usual to watch films with children. I mean look at this kids face! I nearly started crying just looking at this expression again!

The restaurant scene killed me the most - the looks this kid gives literally pierces some buried childhood trauma spot right in my BRAIN! Also I feel like this is why I could never EVER have babies or puppies - if I ever saw this look IRL I would literally crumble into lame overly sentimental dust!

OK this clipe from Hilarious just made me feel a bit better - if Louis CK can deal with kids and make it funny maybe the world is an OK place - maybe.

Even though I'm sure I will grow to love or at least appreciate this movie as much as I now love/appreciate Vertigo I still feel that movies like this should come with a warning that says "may cause long term psychological damage" or at least "do not watch before bed after Gossip Girl on a Tues night".

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