What Would John Waters Do?

What John Waters Said:

On Who To Date (or At Least Who To Sleep With)
“If you go home with someone, and they don’t have books, don’t fuck ‘em.”

On Not Having "Hobbies" but Making Your Hobbies Your Life's Work
The only insult I've ever received in my adult life was when someone asked me, 'Do you have a hobby?' A HOBBY?! DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING DABBLER?!"

On Capitalism and What It Can Do For You
“Being rich is not about how much money you have or how many homes you own; it’s the freedom to buy any book you want without looking at the price and wondering if you can afford it.”

On Body Image
"Fat is not enough anymore unless you were once thin and gained weight on purpose to confuse authority."

On Why Not To Date or Watch TV
"People always say to me: How can you read so much? And I say easy, you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend, and you don’t watch television. It’s simple. You’ll read all the time"

On Success
“True success is figuring out your life and career so that you never have to be around jerks.”

On Why Not To Waste Money On Antidepressants
“Doing the Monster Mash with Kleenex boxes on your feet will really make you feel better, trust me. More people should do that instead of popping pills all the time.”

On Procreation
"I’m for anybody getting any kid, if they can love it. And I’m for abortion. If you can’t love your kid, don’t have it because it will grow up and kill us. "

On Why Its OK to Have a One-Track Mind
"Without obsession, life is nothing."

On Growing Up
"A 20-year-old that’s angry is sexy, a 64-year-old man that’s angry is an asshole. If you haven’t gotten over some things, you can blame your parents 'til you’re 30, but after 40, forget whining about anything."

On Why Rap Music is the Best
"I always love to have rap music. It keeps away a lot of people I don’t like."

On Fashion
“You should never wear a halter top.”

On Opinions
"I don’t read opinion pieces. I have faith in my own opinion. I know I’m right. I don’t want to read what someone else has to say."

On Tolerance
“If someone is racist and really cute, could you still have sex with him? I have to admit the answer is yes. I have. You just change the subject or shout, ‘La la la la la la la,’ covering your ears when he speaks nonsense. If all else fails, stick something in his mouth to shut him up.”

On Taste
“You have to have good taste to have bad taste. You have to know which rules to break.”

On Love, Destiny and Relationships
“Everybody has his or her ‘love map,’ as the late, great, sadly discredited Baltimore sexologist John Money once called our predetermined sexual types. And we can never really change our love maps, but we can learn to see them coming. A healthy neurotic knows his type can and probably will bring emotional trouble combined with a powerful sexual wallop. But we can see, through effective therapy, that we have a choice. Yes, our love maps may be bad for us, but WOW! I won’t find this kind of sex in a healthy relationship. So is it worth it? If it is, yes, you are fucked-up, but as long as you choose it, you are also neurotically happy.”"

On Planning Ahead
“I’m a fascist about my work habits and I expect you to be, too. Never have a spontaneous moment in your life again. If you’re going to have a hangover, it should be scheduled on your calendar months in advance. Rigid enjoyment of planning can get you high. Militant time-management will enable you to ignore how maladjusted you would be if you had the time to notice it in the first place. Discipline is not anal compulsion; it’s a lifestyle that breeds power.”

On Feeling Blue
"Cheer up. You never know — maybe something awful will happen tomorrow."

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